Setting relationship expectations

Recently I stumbled across my grandpa’s love letters to my grandma. Yes, this dude actually sat down on a chair (I bet it was a leather chair), dipped his pen in some ink and would write this woman love letters almost every day. Back in the day there was courtship then marriage then sex. Straightforward, no grey area.
Now that sex is a lot more open and women can acceptably (certainly in my opinion) have sex with multiple partners prior to marriage, there have been an expansion of categories of relationships. Here are the four key categories:

1. Booty Call: It’s 2:33 in the morning and your text resembles something along the lines of: “Down for an afterparty at my place?” You both know damn well there aint any birthday hats or pinatas at this party. Unless you get down with pinatas in the bedroom. Good times actually, might want to give it a shot. In my opinion, once a booty call, always a booty call. Tough to move forward from this stage.

2. Casual Hook up buddies: So yes, you may call this person late on a Friday night but also, you’ll make plans for an 8:30 PM movie hang out on a Wednesday night. This is clearly every man’s dream. “All the benefits without the effort”. In my experience these relationships never last longer than 3 months even if both parties involved were psyched about the initial casual nature of the relationship. Generally, the relationship ends or it becomes DEFINED and goes to stage 3. Might I add, that many times it’s the woman who controls the fact that it’s still casual contrary to popular belief that ALL women want committed relationships. It’s just not like it used to be when my grandpa was dipping his pen in ink.
3. Committed Relationship: No more going out with the girlfriends, taking SoCo lime shots and going home with that random dude in the corner of the bar. Jason…I think his name was. Nope, you now are in a hardcore committed relationship and no more kissy kissy with rando’s on the dance floor.
4. Seriously serious relationship: This is where my expertise begins to evaporate into thin air but this is generally when sentences begin with uncomfortable statements like “When we buy a dog”, “When we move in together”, “Once we get married”. I’m not going to lie, I cringe when some of my friend’s girlfriends start sentences like this.
Regardless of what you might be seeking, it is so critical to be constantly setting expectations with the relationships and the direction in which it’s heading. As a dating coach in Boston and New York, we first determine what it is that you are looking for in your love life and then ensure that you are meeting people that align with your current values.
Adam LoDolce

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